multi-impulsive bulimia....

i have borderline personality disorder and severe bulimia.  this puts me into the area of 'multi-impulsive bulimia'.  i have become more impulsive as i have got older, i am naturally quite timid and shy, i am also extremely introverted, i have a large inner world.  i am no adrenaline junkie, i am someone who relishes routine, i am not the poster child for 'wild'.  i don't react well to change...on paper i should not be impulsive to the degree i am, but i am and that i something i really struggle with.   when in crisis i act in a way that i find mortifying.
wikipedia says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impulsivity
"a personality trait characterized by the inclination of an individual to initiate behavior without adequate forethought as to the consequences of their actions, acting on the spur of the moment"
the problem with impulsivity is that, whilst it is a part of everyone, for some of us the consequences of our impulsivity can cause major problems in our day to day life.  impulsivity is fine if the risks you are taking are relatively minor but for most people with BPD the risks they take are not only life threatening but are also damaging to every area of their life.  an impulse purchase of a chocolate bar is ok, buying the most expenive trainers because you have decided to run marathons in aid of tourettes is less so.  ending up in A&E to be stitched on an all to regular basis because your way of dealing with your feelings is to perform minor surgery in the comfort of your own home is also not particularly ok.  buying another computer because you can't wait the week it wil take for it to be mended.  spending £1300 of savings on food in the space of 6 months because you need to binge and purge and you need to binge and purge now. 
the interpersonal consequences are often huge, my friendships are shortlived and intense....you are on the pedistal, you will fall my friend.  i love you and i hate you when you let me down, and you will, it's only a matter of time and i can't take it.  i can't take the uncertainty, i can't cope wit the risk i will lose it all, i can't manage the feeling that it could be taken away from me any minute now.  so i pull away, i push you away.  i can't stand that i feel i need you so i need you to not be there any more.  i need you to go and i need you to not be around anymore.  i need to reject you before you have a chance to reject me.
it's a need, a deep need that needs to be dealt with then and there, it has to be dealt with that moment, lord forbid you wait a second.  it's visceral and so very primal.